Maybe it's Maybelline

Have you noticed them around? They’re everywhere. They’re underground, undiscussed abusers, and they need help.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the more layers of mascara you apply, the more womanly you are, and the more likely you are to bag a man in want of a wife (and hopefully in possession of a good fortune). My acerbic Austenism is intentional, of course... Mascara abusers are a special breed – in general, their eyes already pop (as Tyra Banks would say) and their lashes possess natural god-given flutter. And yet, they still feel the need to apply tubes full of mascara, coating each tiny hair with lashings of the gloop, top and bottom, corner to corner, until each blink is like opthalmic weight-lifting.

Spiderly lashes are one thing, bestowed on the wearer by matt black tubes of MAC Zoom Lash, and accompanied by a nude, matt lip and designer outfit. But this is the tarantula look, and it is a definite no-no. If you’re an offender/addict/beauty-junkie gone wrong (you know who you are – your other addictions probably include pink and st tropez) then please – step away from the Maybelline, and allow the young man with his pockets full of good fortune to gaze into morning fresh eyes, and not drag-act-ready make up encrusted peepers.